It's a wonder how Daddy comes back every day and tells me off for something I did wrong but felt it was absolutely fine myself, or returns sane and later finds out that i have not been doing something i was supposed to and scoffs at me for it. The lightest sentence passed down to me was for failing to translate some random chinese phrase which turned into a full-blown lecture which left me grabbing the sides of my seats, sinking my fingernails into the plastic until it hurt, hoping the pain would reach my head and the throbbing would drown out his voice.

But Dad couldn't wait till he came home today for this one: I lost the tripod for my DSLR camera.He called and i could feel his hands digitalising like his words, and materialising in front of me, tightening around my neck.

I supposedly left it in the office on the last day of work last week and refused to admit that it's lost yet. Delusional you may say? Or perhaps the early signs of Meningitis? I just think that it would be completely unecessary to break the news to him because it is in the office and nowhere else, so it is "less" lost. 

My plan would be to find it without telling him aand breaking his heart, thus bridging the lapse in reality and in sync with Dad's memory because he's not supposed to know it is missing. But as i do this, i ask everyone for help and word finds its way to him and he flares up because i told everyone else but him. And he tells me this makes him madder than it would have if i had told him. I mean he wouldn't even have to be mad, he wasn't even supposed to know. Oh, bother.

Now I find myself strangling a stress-ball until the veins in my arm show and threaten to pop and watching episode 11 of Gossip Girl,"Roman Holiday". I think I like this episode best because it's a kiss and make up for everyone rather than just exclusively to N and B or S and D. You can just see everyone's eyes sparkle as they unwrap presents under the tree, N holding Captain's hand at the hospital saying "Dad, we need you", or where nobody was left out because even the maid got a mobile phone, "for texting".

I'm glued to the screen over Gossip Girl. N and S would have made the hottest couple but i like how S and D flow but it comes to cetain parts where there's some misunderstanding caused by D and I really like to sock him for that. And there're some parts where D makes the perfect boyfriend so I can emulate him.

Plus GG just made me wonder what if S's mom marries D's dad and S and D are in a relationship and if they have sex, would it be incestuous, or so they say? Because after all, it will only be incestuous if both come from the same manufacturers, right? But i really take my hat off S's mom because she loved D's dad so much but had to give him up for her S and D. If I were in her shoes, I wonder if I could do that if it means not being able to be with someone I love.

The night is young, I think I'll let myself fall into a trance over Gossip Girl and salivate over S and little J.