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Joshua Hoong
06.09.92
Audiophile
Self-Proclaimed-Certified-iPod-Evangelist

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Monday, May 25, 2009


Taking flight


Saturday, May 23, 2009

And She Said If This is Living, How Come I Never Feel Alive?

Kazu Makino, "I suppose the most important thing to me is that I feel alive. I often have a hard time feeling alive. I often feel a bit detached or separated from everything else around me. So whatever that makes me feel really alive is quite important to me."

I've been feeling like this lately, this other side of me has been laying dormant within and it's out again. Speechless moments with the group has turned into me being completely transparent. They look at me, and not at me. They see through me to look at something 100 metres probably looking for my wandering spirit. I feel like I'm being replaced already, by a person or two I have come to loathe, and with the eye contact, or lack of it, and curt exchanges only when necessary, it has become a mutual silent agreement. I want to scream something to get attention. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. And now I yearn so much to be my old self again.



Tuesday, April 28, 2009 Got bruises on my knees for you
And grass stains on my knees for you
Got holes in my new jeans for you
Got pink and black and blue for you


Monday, April 27, 2009

I have been mighty busy lately, since school term started. Friends are great, admittedly, it's a great change in company from the single-sex school environment I've been studying in for so many years already.

VSC is really happening with two modules: Drawing Ess and CommDI, both standing on the opposite ends of the "like" meter, preventing me from losing my sanity. A lot of good Peer Pressure going on here is encouraging me to lift up the pencil to practise sketching and I am confident enough to say I have improved drastically over the past one week so I shall upload some of my works soon as I see fit.

Will be getting a new messenger bag coming May. Jack Spade or the cheaper Ben Sherman. Just you wait.


Wednesday, April 8, 2009 Okay. I woke up this morning with my entire day planned out before me. Gym, library, friends. Guess what. I left my keys in my mom's handbag just yesterday and forgot to get it back. Mom just sent me a text confirming what happened "I Hv locked u in the house. Your house keys are in my bag". Can you sense the smugness in it! I betcha she's laughing off at work now.

I'm locked in. No spare keys. No ladder.

So it's home alone today for me. Did a re-run on woman on the verge of Gossip girl again. It's the most intense episode 4eva! And I tried yoga today from the DVD Auntie Charis sent over during her visit in January. I bailed out after 5 minutes. Couldn't stand it because it was so slow and boring. Like sitting through lectures, man! And it involves breathing properly, and stretching yourself to the limits. The mad man could touch his toes with his hands without bending his knees. And he expected the same of you! And I found it so difficult because I had to keep my neck strained and my eyes set on the TV screen to see what action came next and I thought that pretty much defeated the purpose of yoga because you were supposed to be in a relaxed position. And the whole time I found it so ridiculous that they repeated the same action three times. But it worked out a real sweat! Yes it did, even though I was only 5 minutes through.


Saturday, March 28, 2009 I fail at Mandarin, really. Gosh I served two china customers today who started speaking to me in their native language and I conversed back in Mandarin with English peppered in (or should I say, in English, with Mandarin peppered in) and gave up on the first asking the couple if I could explain in English to which they relented, and on the second customer, I felt more confident and prolonged my "rojak" explanation until one of them told me to speak in English if I felt right at home course she was getting confused if I kept at it.

(haha I hope Dad doesn't read this confession because he will totally disown me)

Dad was talking to me about the importance of Mandarin, in the car-ride home even though I had my iPod plugged in which was understood internationally as i'm-not-in-the-mood-to-talk-now and I even had a frown on but he simply droned on oblivious. He mentioned about how the chinese people were spawning and totally taking over the world (well at least he made it look like that way) and he was very proud and carried on jibing me in the side with "you should be as diligent as them in learning mandarin as they are in learning english" and "I read of this Londoner who loves chinese so much that he would pick paper up from the ground so long as there's chinese text on it and he would try to comprehend it" and I was like I don't care. I. Really. Don't. Care. ... Period.


Sunday, March 22, 2009

Jessica Claire's Blog Link.
She is simply amazing. Her pictures are so inspiring I wanna do wedding photography sometime. Her pictures radiate a warmth and love like no other. It's like I can weave a blanket out of her photos and curl up into them and keep myself warm and comfortable through the winter. It makes me want to be there to witness the whole process myself.


Friday, March 20, 2009

I'm writing this amidst battering eyelids and a furnace of a neck from the small dosage of bubbly I had awhile ago to relieve myself from the tight knot in my chest from the movie I saw this evening. I should have seen this coming from the very start that I would not enjoy the show but what I overlooked was the regret that overwhelmed me after.

Regret from the wasted money? or the lack of a better ending inspite of the shockingly good twist in the plot? or the possibility of rocking to the local indie-music scene with Shengyi? Oh help me decide.

A good number of the movie group were ready to hand over our tickets and jump onboard another movie because the anxiety build-up was a real turn-off. Yeah so we kind of didn't exchange our pre-ordered tickets out of inconvenience.

I don't do horror movies very well so this round was a confirmation rather than a revelation, really. Spoon's Japanese Cigarette Case, Jack Johnson and a trance piece Shengyi sent me held my hand through the movie when I bailed out midway and plugged on my iPod haha. I sought refuge under the cover of my fingers, letting them part intermittently and involuntarily to allow myself a bite of the movie so the money wouldn't look like a complete down-the-drain-errrrrrrr.

Oh btw, the movie's called "Coming Soon".


Wednesday, March 18, 2009 It's Raining in Athens, It's Hot as Hell here



It's bad enough that you're shaken from your afternoon slumber and your hair is a mess and even water can't subdue it and you have to rush to your gramp's place to get dinner for the family and you meet your childhood crush at the traffic light (with your hair still a mess) and you glance at her, beautiful as ever and you look away the moment she looks at you and you harden your chest and bulge your pathetic biceps and hold on to the last breath of dignity left and hope she only remembers you as a sweet past memory of the boy she used to sit with in class.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

This youku video site is loading my Batman Begins movie at an irritably slow pace. Argh. Every time Christian Bale speaks, it'll stop and I'll have to let it load. I guess that's what you get when you're not paying for it.

The times have been lovely so far. Work's been good after I asked boss for the option of an alternate-day-work system on the account that I was having multiple sleepless nights and I didn't get to see my family throughout the week because I'd get home so late they'd already be asleep. It worked. Cuz I didn't lie.

Company's been good too because I'd go out with my lovelies on the days that I don't work and I'll get to see my family in the evening so yeah. But that means I'll be paid half of what I was supposed to earn and it'll take twice as long to get my 15" Mac Pro.

I want a cat. I just adore Sarah's tabby, Oscar. I WANT A CAT, NOW.


Sunday, February 22, 2009

Today I slept until I could sleep no more and stared at my bedroom walls, thinking of how I should go about repainting it. I'm thinking of apple green and stars. I did a mad dash through the past week, a hectic week it was. Working sucks big time even if you enjoy what you're doing when working takes up all your time and you live to work. It's a 12-9 six day work week plus the preparations you have to make before setting off for work. I'm fucking going to war!


Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm Falling by the Wayside.

My family's asleep and my mad-typing on the keyboard is a screaming bitch but i think i gotta let it out:

I'm really confused. A while back, after the release of 'O' Level results where the land opens up and you find people you know clinging onto the edge of friendship and you pull the people you care about out of their despair and you step on the fingers of the rest you don't and watch them fall into a deep, dark nothingness. I told myself I'd rid my life of people whom I don't like very much and I started deleting people off my Facebook Friend's list.

But recently, I'm having second thoughts and I return to visiting their pages again, checking on how they are, how they look like now and it's done with no ill intention or hope of finding them being stuck in shit. On the contrary, I visit with a rather reserved, timid form of care.

And recently I've been caught in the race of adding friends, or I find people requesting to be my friend and all I know about these people are just about as much as their names and the info given on Facebook about them. Nobody makes a move to formally introduce each other. And their status and shit are flooding up my Facebook homepage and I get really irritated cause I don't care a shit for them.

I think a friend on Facebook is like an accessory, a number. And these numbers add up to 200 or 400 odd people and you're like hey I know so many people so I'm better than you. It's a never-ending, tiresome race. And we think we're competing against each other but we're doing the extreme opposite by "befriending" each other. And when you stand up against the flow, everybody raises an eyebrow and that makes you sit back and behave again. 

I think if I deleted away all these "friends" and save those who are really dear to me, it'd only be a good 20 people?

I recall Auntie Charis gaping at the number of Facebook friends I've got and questioned me about it, to which I could only manage a shrug.

I think Facebook should create a setting where only real day-to-day friends are allowed to be added. The only way I can think of now is when A wants to add B, A must answer a question B posts. Like their likes and dislikes. And if they answer wrongly, they'll be curse and banished to the depths of hell.

Okay. So now I have people whom I think I'm starting to care about who are no longer Facebook friends of mine, and I have people whom if they died on me right now I'd just say a quick prayer and mourn them for 2 seconds who are my existing Facebook friends. SWEET.

I think I'm gonna just live on Flickr for now. Screw FB.

XOXO,

Confused

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Bokeh Wednesday

Free favours from Abba God are pouring in!

I just got my Canon 50mm f1.4 USM prime lens

And I got a job at John 3:16 Photo Supplies. Whooo.

Sunday, February 8, 2009 From up here, I can. It is a piece of sky, lying on the ground.

We're in the woods, just the two of us. I have on my best sneakers, the ones with rainbow laces and the place on the back that Mason chewed through when he was just a puppy. Her steps are bigger than mine, but it's a game - I try to jump into the hole her shoes leave behind. I'm a frog; I'm a kangaroo; I'm magic.

When I walk, it sounds like cereal getting poured for breakfast.

Crunch. 'My legs hurt', I tell her.

'It's just a little bit longer.'

'I don't want to walk', I say, and I sit right there, because if I don't move she won't either.

She leans down and points, but the trees are like the legs of tall people I can't see around. 'Do you see it yet?' She asks me.

I shake my head. Even if I could see it, I would have told her I couldn't.

She picks me up and puts me on her shoulders. 'The pond', she says. 'Can you see the pond?'

From up here, I can. It is a piece of sky, lying on the ground.

When Heaven breaks, who fixes it?


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Because I'm Chuck Bass

YAY I finally finished Gossip Girl Season 1 in like 2 days (considering that it was on my mind when my eyes were off the TV)? Can't wait to sink my teeth into season 2. Meanwhile, I think I'll do a re-run or two on season 1 again. There's a really good promo at Kovan Heartland Mall: Each DVD boxset going at $39.90 plus a 50% off for the second. So I'm currently doing research on which TV serial to go into.

C's best man speech: "My father is someone who goes after what he wants. And Lily van der woodsen is no exception. In typical Bass man fasion, his pursuit was direct. And at times, not exactly subtle.

*glances at B with the index cards in one hand and a heart full of love in the other, and puts the index cards down*

One thing I learned from the courtship of lily is the importance of perserverence. That in the face of true love you don't just give up. Even if the object of your affection is begging you to. And the one thing I learned from Lily is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance and , in kind, I've watched him become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day, I hope I'll be lucky enough to find someone who will do the same for me.

To the happy couple!"

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

It's a wonder how Daddy comes back every day and tells me off for something I did wrong but felt it was absolutely fine myself, or returns sane and later finds out that i have not been doing something i was supposed to and scoffs at me for it. The lightest sentence passed down to me was for failing to translate some random chinese phrase which turned into a full-blown lecture which left me grabbing the sides of my seats, sinking my fingernails into the plastic until it hurt, hoping the pain would reach my head and the throbbing would drown out his voice.

But Dad couldn't wait till he came home today for this one: I lost the tripod for my DSLR camera.He called and i could feel his hands digitalising like his words, and materialising in front of me, tightening around my neck.

I supposedly left it in the office on the last day of work last week and refused to admit that it's lost yet. Delusional you may say? Or perhaps the early signs of Meningitis? I just think that it would be completely unecessary to break the news to him because it is in the office and nowhere else, so it is "less" lost. 

My plan would be to find it without telling him aand breaking his heart, thus bridging the lapse in reality and in sync with Dad's memory because he's not supposed to know it is missing. But as i do this, i ask everyone for help and word finds its way to him and he flares up because i told everyone else but him. And he tells me this makes him madder than it would have if i had told him. I mean he wouldn't even have to be mad, he wasn't even supposed to know. Oh, bother.

Now I find myself strangling a stress-ball until the veins in my arm show and threaten to pop and watching episode 11 of Gossip Girl,"Roman Holiday". I think I like this episode best because it's a kiss and make up for everyone rather than just exclusively to N and B or S and D. You can just see everyone's eyes sparkle as they unwrap presents under the tree, N holding Captain's hand at the hospital saying "Dad, we need you", or where nobody was left out because even the maid got a mobile phone, "for texting".

I'm glued to the screen over Gossip Girl. N and S would have made the hottest couple but i like how S and D flow but it comes to cetain parts where there's some misunderstanding caused by D and I really like to sock him for that. And there're some parts where D makes the perfect boyfriend so I can emulate him.

Plus GG just made me wonder what if S's mom marries D's dad and S and D are in a relationship and if they have sex, would it be incestuous, or so they say? Because after all, it will only be incestuous if both come from the same manufacturers, right? But i really take my hat off S's mom because she loved D's dad so much but had to give him up for her S and D. If I were in her shoes, I wonder if I could do that if it means not being able to be with someone I love.

The night is young, I think I'll let myself fall into a trance over Gossip Girl and salivate over S and little J.

Saturday, January 31, 2009 Farewell

HI Bearies,

I just wanna say a really big THANK YOU to all of you during my time in Providend. Thank you for being so nice and approachable to me, treating me with the equal respect as you would with other colleagues. I feel most honoured to be here. And I hope I have added value into your lives during my stay, making you feel like a teenager again.

I have gleaned something I previously lacked: Confidence. Initially, when I came face to face with strangers, a weak “hi” would be as much as I can manage before I would shrink back into my shell, kicking myself for not saying more. When Moon went through the jobscope with me, I almost freaked and told myself I wouldn’t be able to take this especially when it involved speaking to complete strangers; high netwoth clients; prospects. But I told myself I had to start somewhere and took it up after talking to God about it. And I haven’t looked back since.

My biggest appreciation would go to the Finance Department: Sylvia, Moon and Hedy. Thank you for always being there for me, yielding to my demands in the midst of your work. I think I disturbed Hedy the most, asking so many questions. Thank you, Hedy for being ever so gracious. I think if I were in her position, I’d be pretty annoyed with that tall, handsome, dark man sitting next to me. (Not you Chiu Weng)

Random thanking:

· Thank you Chiu Weng for teaching me how to make coffee I think I’ll go work in Starbucks next. I enjoyed chatting with you and thanks a lot for imparting your sage wisdom to me and guiding me to the right path after the Os.

· Chin Huah, thanks your sage wisdom too in paving the way to my future, helping me understand what lies in front of me and arming me advice.

· Nicholas and Daryl, thank you so much for teaching me how to play basketball properly. Thanks dudes!

· Sandy thanks for your in-depth research on Visual Communications and I enjoyed chatting with you A LOT. 5 bucks says you’re the only one who knows my Chinese name apart from my mom. Let’s grab a Stella together when I turn 18.

· Cherie thanks for making the first step and coaching me into unleashing that deep, sincere voice I never knew I had hahaha.

· Yin Fong thanks for organizing games day which was the main activity I look forward to most apart from lunch.

Thank you everyone else for playing a part in making my stay here super-duper fun!

Yesterday when Christopher presented the red envelope to me, I half-hoped it to be a dollar bill which fit the size of that A5 envelope. But when I ripped it open, I found something even better, something priceless. I was surprised that the envelope could contain such awesomness without bursting open! You guys took the time to write down your sincere wishes and blessings and I was so touched by this that I scanned it and uploaded it on my blog.

So when you guys own the entire Duxton Hill in the near future, do remember me (:

Oh yeah: Text message from Ministry of Education: HOONG HSIEN RUI JOSHUA RUSSELL, you are posted to TEMASEK POLY VISUAL COMMUNICATION under 2009 JAE. My first choice! Praise the Lord!

Cheerios,
Joshua

Administrator (17^th December 2008 to 30^th January 2009)

Providend Ltd
Independent Private Wealth & Investment Manager



Wednesday, January 28, 2009 In the car I close my eyes to better shield it from the glare of the sun. A red veil envelopes my vision and lightning flashes, a kaleidoscope full of mystery, a disco ball of an eye.

Nausea hits me and my eyelids part as quickly as the lips of a couple caught making-out. Everything seems tungsten, desaturated, dead. The headlights swing by at lightspeed and another bout of nausea hits me. I grab my stomach and place my head in between my thighs. Blood rushes back to my head and cousin complains I'm turning red. I say that I am fine. Everything looks normal again, the soft glow in the atmosphere is swept away by the wind and I notice my throat is parched like paper. Your face fills my head and i replay your scent, your laughter, your touch, ad nauseam like a rosary.


Tuesday, January 27, 2009 Went for a swim with the cousins today. I've never been very good at this form of exercise and lost interest after a few laps choosing to instead retire to the benches for a suntanning session after i was motivated by lin's lobster-red skin. I might even consider wearing an orange blouse to complete the look hahaha. I never realized suntanning was so comfortable, the morning breeze, an inviting addition which somehow felt foreign under the warm sun.
Sis almost drowned today because she forgot how to swim. I dove in to her rescue with a mixture of Baywatch scenes and a heart full of brotherly love. Dammit she wasn't the paperweight she looked to be. The water was above me, she was pinning me down and i was swallowing mouthfuls all in an effort of hefting her head above the water and trying to move towards the shore. My shouts of help was received by Stefan who came to OUR rescue.
I replayed the scene a few times, telling myself such an incident like could repeat itself again, and much worse if it happened to you and you matter more than anything to me and I'd gladly drown in place of you if it meant that you'd carry on living. And I could be the only person there. Note to self: Swimming lessons! Physically, submerging myself in the pool, lifting my head towards the shimmering surface, the regions beyond mutated by the behaviour of light. So this was what drowning looked like from above.

Watched Bride wars later in the afternoon with the cousins. I really love the show. Hathaway is so pretty. Hudson looked really fat at certain scenes, but what i learned from the movie apart from the intended Friendship Comes Out Stronger Through Difficulties was how crucial the period between engagement and marriage was; a world of change could take place in a matter of 3 weeks, like how Emma (Hathaway) found out that Fletcher (Chris Pratt) wasn't for her and vice versa, because they had different expectations of each other, and how they could not sit through the period where Liz (Hudson) was just tearing at Emma (which was pretty much the whole movie) and chose to end their relationship right on the D-day. It's so amazing that they've been together for 10 years and such a decision could still arise. I'm content now but at the back of my head, I worry for us.


Monday, January 26, 2009


Chinese New Year 2009 was not as eventful as the previous years' but still, what really caught me was the ecstasy and high I felt during the inevitable blackjack game. The shouts, the triumphant punches in the air, the 5-inch hops off the seats, the anguish from losing 50 cents, the split-second sad faces before the smiles turned right side up again eager to win it back. These emotions flooded through me, a light happy feeling. I love you guys!


Monday, January 5, 2009 I'll tattoo it in the clouds above you



I just found out that Flickr! allows you to post images at such big sizes! I like them large(((((: Edited with Adobe Lightroom 2.2 and taken with Canon EOS 40D mounted with 10-22mm USM!!!

Camera-talk aside, it's dreadful when the day is slow, when it inches ever so slowly and still stumbles, making you want the day to end soon. As most of you are aware, I've taken on a part-time job at my mom's office as an Administrator. It's fun only when you have something to do; a mountain to conquer. If not, life will pass slowly no matter how hard you try, like you're walking through water and it pushes you back, regardless of how hard you try, you will never be as fast.

And it sucks to do live through the 9-6 life away from detection, surreptitiously enjoying my vices until "joy" is replaced by a warped sense of accomplishment of having got away with it. iIt's freaking scary because my in-charge sits in a room behind me (entrance facing my open-cubicle and another colleague sitting a cubicle away) plus my cubicle is next to the door so anyone coming in will find me on Facebook or reading reviews and blogs! Plus, every time I try to work with 2 programs: Adobe Lightroom 2.2 and Microsoft Excel, Lightroom HANGS on me. I think the computer wants me to work argh!

P.S. I wrote this post in in secret. SUCCESS! and I feel very good about myself now! HEEHEE


Wednesday, December 31, 2008 No I'm not color blind, I just know the world is black and white



Three Expressos, copious amounts of brown sugar, a peach pie...I'm on an astronomical high! I can't believe 2009's tomorrow, results in 9 days and STARS live! in 7 days. I can't wait! Marry me, Amy!


Sunday, December 28, 2008

















Thursday, December 25, 2008 Lensbabies




If you get me these for Christmas, I'll marry you!

Blessed CHRISTmas, all!(:


Sunday, December 21, 2008
YEAH YEAH YEAH! I GOT MY CANON EOS 40D!!! But I got it in a way I never knew was possible. And there were 2 occurrences of this in the whole process. Namely, I was at this camera store at Funan which Lihui accompanied me to. We inquired about the 40D body to which the shopkeeper said $1350. The shopkeeper told me he was from my church and a friend of Lihui. On these 2 accounts, he passed me the 40D and told me to pay another day because my intention of going to Funan that day was just to check the prices and I did not have the money with me.

I said a quick prayer and the lyrics to the song Give Me Words To Speak by Aaron Shust jumped to mind. I then gave my Dad a call and Mum picked up. I asked her about Dad's mood (me knowing that he's a very tempremental dude) and she said he was ok.
Dad:Yeah what?
Yours truly: Hey I called to ask about my camera. This guy is selling it at $1350 and he says that I can take it home so long as I pay on Monday.
Dad:Okay. (<-I NEVER EXPECTED THIS)

God works in the most wondrous ways. Praise You, ABBA DADDY!


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Tjoa Lu Si. I curse the day you were born! You demanding auntie-supervisor, you!

You say I am disanimated and work too slow when I packaged more vegetables than I bet you could in an entire day.

I think you have eyes at the back of your head because you "saw" me rolling eyes at you when for the 7th time you showed me how to package vege when I was doing it right all along. But I can't argue with you. That would be most impolite of me.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008 Aluminium Foil Warriors

If I had to describe my first day at work, I would say that it was repetitive.

Imagine a sea of Beijing cabbages in basket A. Take one out, tear out the bad leaves, place it delicately into a bag, tape the bag, cut off the excess packaging and place it into basket B. Voila! What's the best thing at the end of it all? It's gonna start all over again tomorrow and the many more tomorrows to come.

I'm only doing it part-time; imagine those people in there who have to do it every day. Poo-wee. Speaking of people, I just realised that not only were the customers old people; so were my colleagues! I hope they bring their granddaughters. *chants mantra*

I was given an employee's hat and apron and they're super-dooperly unglam so for those who're thinking of dropping a visit, tell me beforehand so I can prepare myself for your entrance and rub off the grumpiness and age gathered from being with this company.

Oh! I was a naughty employee today. I accidentially ripped open the corner of a rice bag so some rice spilled out and I frantically hid it underneath other bags of rice while my supervisor had his back turned on me.


Monday, December 15, 2008 Hang On Little Tomato



I'm starting work tomorrow! (the exclamation mark was inserted to represent excitement and anticipation but I wonder how long it will take before it sours into regret and frustration). I even created a mantra in hope that it will keep me from bashing a fish over the head of a demanding auntie-customer: Be-nice-to-aunties-and say-a-prayer-in-hope-theat-they-will-bring-their-hottie-granddaughters-a-fraction-of-their-age.

I saw myself working at a more exciting place, really. Somewhere along the lines of HMV or Starbucks, or Billboard or in a suit slogging over the macbook, rushing a certain assignment my boss set me. Now look what hit me! I got a job at NTUC serving old-aunties as they come by after their daily tai-chi routines and stink of sour medicinal sweat and enquire in some dialect I can't comprehend. So really, make my day and drop by to visit the NTUC branch at Hougang Ave 3 sometime, okay? *chants mantra*

I'm really there for the pay. It pays okay. $5.50/hour. $55/day. $1644/month. 7am-5pm. About right if I work like a cocksucker.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008 Hello People,

I'm so hyped that STARS is coming to Sinagapore! It's old news though, so I'm saying this only to invite you to come along with me. It's $88 only because I can't afford the better tickets and it's worth every cent because Amy Millan can sing as well as she looks. It's 9PM at the Esplanade so contact me asap so I can book the tickets for you.

Monday, December 8, 2008 I can't tell you how much I hate plane rides because it would breach into the unmentionables which will be very unhealthy for you children.

It just makes me feel so claustrophobic because it's a rule to remain seated at all times other than the trips down the aisle into yet another 1 square-foot of a lavatory. And when I'm back at my seat, it's just miserable that I have to do elbow fights with my sibling to get the under-cushioned armrest. It was a completely pitch-black view out of the little window, it being a night flight and this only made it worse because my senses tell me that I am not moving and my mind tells me it's a long ride, so mentally, I'm stuck in oblivion. When coupled with the urge to get out of the darned plane which I did several times and imagined myself windsurfing outside instead, or the morbid moments when reality sinks in and tells me that if I'm out there I'd have to hang on for dear life because the plane is moving at 900 km/h with headwinds of 50km/h in my face, freeze to death becuse it's -56 degrees celcius outside, squeeze the last breath of oxygen from my body, when I'm already suffocating from excitement with thoughts about New York, with anneroxically thin or no oxygen at all at such high altitudes or like in the cartoons, be sucked into one of the giant motors.

It's also unbearable when they serve a heavy, stale and grotty dinner, supper and breakfast with what seems like only minutes in between each other when it's still dark and the only tools available to tell me how much time had passed was through the watch I was wearing which I believed was lying, the number of pages of Man Walks into a Room by Nicole Krauss read, and the number of on-board movies I watched. At the same time, my body tells me that I have to sleep but my mind tells me that I can't because I already did for a million years. My mind yields.

I never knew I could yearn for sunlight as much as a plant needs it for survival. It came to the point where I told myself that I would die peaceful if I could see the sun once more. Well I got my wish and almost immediately, I wished for night again because we were flying over the clouds and without the cloud-cover, you'd be getting the full blast of it.

I really came to appreciate SIA girls more, you know. Her intermittent strolls along the aisle carried me a step closer to Heaven each time. As she brushed past, the fragrance of pine, crused roses and apples lingered and filled the little space I had and I inhaled deeply to make sure I had the last bit, but slowly to avoid detection. I felt so voyeuristic but fully satisfied and said a little prayer in hope that she would walk past once more.

On the other note, I really hope some smartass will discover teleportation someday...


Thursday, December 4, 2008










































SJP!


Wednesday, November 12, 2008 Revelation

With reference to one of Pastor Prince's sermons, I painted a mind's picture of how very secure my life in Christ is. I see my life as a Journey; A pathway of flat ground with daffodils flanking the borders. I'm running towards God, persuing him. He's running towards me (not away, making the journey easy; effortless), closing the gap. And when we meet, we'll hug and our bodies will fit seamlessly.

I learnt from the message that when you persue God, Goodness and Mercy will persue you from the back. Blessings on two fronts. There's no escape. They WILL get you. How much better can it get?

In this painting, there's no darkness, no Satan. Because he cannot exist when God resides in me. When you fall in love with God, you fall out of love with Sin.

...And I thought I couldn't draw for nuts.


Sunday, November 9, 2008

Someday i'll toss all your presents
and bury the letters left unsent
cause it's bad to do what's easy
just cause it's easy
and i wanna do what pleases me but i can't
but the heart, we know,
when it's lovin it's leanin toward bein alone

Friday, November 7, 2008

A criminal isn't always a thug in a black leather jacket with a big brand on his forehead to warn us away. Criminals sit next to us on a bus. They pack our groceries and cash our paychecks for us and teach our children. They look no different from you or me. And that's why they get away with it.

But believe it or not, there's a relief to finally getting caught. The moment I gave up my clothes for a baggy orange jumpsuit I also peeled off the skin of the person I've pretended to be. In a strange way, I belong here more than I did out there. Like me, everyone in jail has been living a lie.

For twenty-three hours a day, I stay up in my cell. The last hour, I am granted a shower and a turn around the exercise yard, where I do my best to breathe in deep and get the smell of jail out of my nostrils.

It never gets dark in jail, and it never gets quiet. The sound is a symphony: the wheezing snore of the guy one block down; the creak of a door being opened. Rain on the roof and the viper hiss of the radiator. The ping-ping-ping-ping of the metal on metal as a corrections officer walks down the corridor side with his attitude, hitting the bars of the cell to wake up all the nearby occupants.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008 Squeeze Me



I love the MV of Sqeeze Me by Kraak and Smaak! It just reminds me of the time when i spent my entire day trying to do a motion picture first by perfecting each picture, but perfection i never saw, and went on to do stick figures. It turned out equally messy so i screwed it and forgot what i did next. Anyhow, enjoy the video!


Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Hello World! I just bought a Red Holga 120CFN today! For many of you who are clueless to what this wonderous gift from God is, it's a toy camera. And it's S$125. Yes, but it's a cheaper alternative to the Diana+ which is  S$170. Both are members of the Lomography clan. Well, it's also a cheaper alternative to the Canon 50D with 18-200mm lens kit I'm hoping to buy which is about S$2700.

I'm captivated by the misty, soft-focussed, double-exposed, vignetted images produced by these cameras. It shows you what the world should look like.

Will be bringing it to New York next week and will post the pictures thereafter.

In an attempt to burn off PEF (Post-examination Fats) that Jonathan so likens with, i toured around Duxton Hill, Little India and walked to Bugis. 30D died on me throughout always focussing the image but the shutter does not go off. So no pictures babe but 2 kilos gone.

The end of "O" levels draws near. 12 down, 2 left to go. I feel so liberated. After this, I'll be justified to say "screw school!", for once.


Thursday, September 25, 2008 How to Hug and Hurt

I am angry. I AM ANGRY!!! That's why I'm here to vent my insurmountable anger in words and in hope, to one day come back to this page to laugh at my senseless anger.

Bad hair is the cause of this anger. Hairstyle looks like a frigging mushroom save for the dandruff (spores) I managed to cure earlier or else it would have completed the look of Fungi in labour.

Despite the love, and despite the need for it, I really think my mom's hair-cutting skill is comparable with a Five year-old who is handed a pair of scissors and given the task to reproduce the mind's image, regardless of how vague, or clueless, the image of a Cyclura cychlura inornata.

This is not the first time I've offered my head as a sacrifice for her art. She is brimming with enthusiasm, interest and Love but a drop of chemical X found it's way into the concoction and it screwed up.

She was successful on several occasions but it took just this one time to turn me off, along with her domestic hair-cutting career, on my part. it's like how one's white pressed shirt is stained by a drop of ink, and you'd naturally notice the stain, zoom in on it, mentally enlarging it to fit the size of the shirt until the blot is all that can be seen, putting an end to White's existence.

I am angry...? Why again? Was it due to her incompetence, or helplessness at correcting the hair (or the lack of it). In retrospect, I think it boils down to a kind of warped Perception. I vented my anger at her,but really, I was more angry at myself. I chastise myself for thinking it is ugly because I think that the World will think it's ugly. (World, oh World, consider my plight and take pity on me...until my hair grows back, that is). I, too, blame myself for adding a tinge (or dollop) of sarcasm into what everybody says. i.e. like how Shaun greeted me one morning with "oh you had a haircut!" which in my mind trailed off to a silent "man it's screwed", followed by silent maniacal laughter.

If you think my mood was rock bottom with my sucky prelim results, I'd say this hair took me down to a new geological layer.

Or maybe I'll just let it go, to realise that it was the effort, Love and my mom's intention to make my hair perfect, to show off her son to the world; as a shining beacon; her Pride and Joy and Love.

Yes, to look beyond the stain, onto the white shirt. For Love does not cloak ugliness, it washes it away, along with every filth.

This takes me to a verse in Col 3:20. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.



Friday, June 13, 2008

Playground Hustle

Again I was distracted shortly after my earlier distraction of afternoon toast.

I hope these distractions will stop, I really do...

Those little toddlers in uniformed green and white gathered in anticipation, looking everywhere but in front, ready to sprint as the Childcare-teacher led them with a 15-second verbal countdown before setting them free to explore the wonders of the little playground, with all its glory restored by the vivid imagination of those lil' souls.

The ululations of nostalgic screaming and patter of colourful Crocs and squeaky-squeak shoes rang through the air as they challenged the balancing pole and attempted to climb the steps to an adjacent slide, only to be rewarded with the thrill of spiraling down the smooth surface giggling with sheer joy.

I would have taken pictures(now this makes me sound like a complete Paedophile) to capture the gist of the moment, of images emerging where nothing had been, only to find out it's over. But then again, what was I to do with them?

I admire the carefree lives of Children; how they can laugh and smile like every moment was a climax of their life;how they can be contented with what we so easily pass off as a dull horizontal bar three-feet off the ground to the extent that it is laughable; how easily it is for them to look at Danger and to smile right back at the face of Death; how a wail for Mummy takes away all the sadness of the world.

Sadly, we outgrow this stage, as Time robs it under our breath and put us on a conveyor belt leading towards a certain place, where Sadness and his cronies hold your hand.

We live in a sad, sad world; where the only source of comfort lies in the fact that we were all children before. The memories captured forever in our mind's eye, of images emerging where nothing had been, only to find out it's over.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Kills are an Anglo-American post-punk indie-rock band comprising of American lead-vocalist Alison "W" Mosshart and British guitarist Jamie "Hotel".

Personally, I came across this duo through the March issue of JUICE, an indie fashion magazine. JUICE tastefully described the music as "dangerous and cute, at the same time", which is quite hard to do, you know. And which is why it's pretty cool. An apt band name at that as well.

With the instruments comprising of mainly an acoustic guitar, an occasional electric, and mellow drumming, The Kills show that they place vocals as the main pushing force in all their songs. And by that, I mean that vocals are used liberally and so intricately, carving and molding each song into a masterpiece, rendering the instruments aforementioned, unnecessary. Even with that, they do not compromise the instruments. Alison's lazy voice quickly puts you in a trance, saturated with emotion as it was like in "Black Balloon" where the drumming followed the clapping by establishing the rhythm of the piece right from the start, which lead the melancholic song.

Conversely in tone, in "What New York Used To Be", Alison hardly sang, rather, she simply enunciated the words, letting her voice rise and fall to the crescendos and innuendos. Pure Genius.

So if ever you're in search of something to take your mind off, to simply enjoy great vocals, to appreciate and unravel the hidden meanings behind the honest lyrics, I will see you in Music haven with The Kills.

P.S. They were labeled as the style icons for indie-wear so join me for some shopping as i try to emulate Jamie. HEEHEE.

Good night, not a bad morning.

Rocks like:The Duke Spirit, Metric, Stars, Architecture In Helsinki